Ignorance isn’t bliss.

I believe that the average person is happy to wallow in their ignorance. The subject doesn’t seem to matter. People in general only take the time to learn the catch phrases, sound bites, and just enough information to try and appear halfway educated on the subject.

Far and few between have I come across that actually have nothing to say on a subject, or have educated themselves deeply into the matter, be whatever it may.

I realize as a species with both limited time and interest, unless the subject greatly influences our lives in any form of capacity, we willfully choose to remain in the dark. Worse yet, are those who will choose to listen to others of which they no not their life, and find their ramblings believable.

It bothers me to think of the mindless masses dictating the path another must go down. The blind leading the blind would be a blessing. These are those who push you into a corner, beat you up and take your lunch money, while yelling how your actions have victimized them.

Why do most people stand solid in belief of that which is wrong? Even when they know themself to be wrong? What is it within our own mind that limits our reasoning, and neglects us a chance to strive?

Why?

Why do we continue to grow apart as a species? If you look to the majority of the creatures that inhabit the planet, they are all dependent to some degree on helping one another survive for the good of all. So again I wonder to myself why are we must destructive to our own kind? Why are we the cruelest to those who have the least? And why do those who are in need fight amongst, steal, and kill one another, when each doesn't have much more than the other?

Wouldn't it be great if instead of two have-nots fighting each other for each others small amount, combine what they have and help one another over come their hard times.

I realize that we all need a small amount of personal goods that we can look upon as our own, but with things we seldom use, or use it only on Fridays, why can't we share with others who are in the same mind frame?

Do we really need a government that has long since stepped over the boundaries of it original purpose to control our lives?

Perhaps the answers aren't the bigger the better, but simplicity, equality, and caring.

Paige Is Here

I just got off the phone with Anne. At 3:13am my daughter Heather gave birth to her daughter Paige. I'm told both my daughter and my granddaughter are doing well. Anne said she will have Heather call me later this evening, but only time will tell on that one.

As I remember it, Anne said Paige is 7 pounds, 7 ounces, 20-inches tall. At this moment I am more concerned about all her fingers and toes, normal brain activity, and crying a lot with a good set of lungs.

I still feel much to young to be a grandparent. I was hoping to make it to atleast 50 years old, 42 still seems young to me. Its another notch in reality that we don't live forever except through the genes, thoughts, ideas and teachings that we pass along.

What's Going On?

With my memory as bad as it sometimes is, I'm glad I actually started this blog. I was able to re-read my thoughts, and partially remember what I was thinking. Maybe some of this exercise isn't a bad idea.

I'm wondering if my daughter went in?

Did she have the baby?

Why haven't I gotten a call from someone?

Why would you call someone and tell them something so important, and then not follow up with them?

I tried calling once, but as usual the phone number I have for them is disconnected. I swear they change their phone number every couple of months. Actually, I believe that Anne gets a new phone service a couple times a year. I was reading an e-mail from October of last year where my daughter Lisa says they will be without a phone for a short period because her mother hadn't payed the bill in several months, and the phone service was cut.

What if this has happened again?

No one in Anne's family cares about me in the least, it could be weeks or months before I could find out what has happened.

Paige Is Coming, Sooner Than I Thought

Strange as it may seem, Anne called me a few minutes ago to tell me that Heather would be going into the hospital this evening as her doctor wants to start her labor to deliver the baby early. This is because the doctor is having a medical procedure on the 10th, and doesn't think she will be available on the 16th, which is the actual due date of my daughter. Something doesn't quite sound right about all this to me, but I realize things happen. I'm sure that this isn't the only doctor who delivers babies, but Anne said something about Heather doesn't want to chance some doctor she doesn't know delivering her baby.

I remember when Heather was born. She was about 2 weeks overdue in the room with Anne and I where the doctor, about seven people from the staff (whom I'd never met before), and her uncle Kenny. I wonder if its a matter of a stranger seeing her vagina? If she doesn't know it now, isn't she in for a surprise as there will be many more people present than she will be expecting.

I enjoyed watching both of my daughters being born, and the only thing I will regret about getting a phone call to let me know my grand-baby has been born is that fact that I couldn't be there to witness it first hand.

For whatever reason Heather seems to have shut me out of her life, and I have to get every bit of information about her second hand from Anne and Lisa. I hope that she will have the desire to call me after the baby is born and let me know that she and Paige are doing well.

I remember I had a list with phone numbers of many family members on both sides that we had to call when the girls where born, I hope I'm on her list, and that the only phone call I get isn't from Anne. I would love to hear the excitement and exhaustion from my own daughters voice.

I realize that I was never there much in my daughters lives, but it wasn't because I didn't want to be, it was simply the distance that I lived from them. I hope that if things in our lives change and I have the opportunity to be in my granddaughters life, that Heather will allow me in not only to Paige's life, but back into her own.

I'm starting to cry now as I have thoughts flooding in of all the things I missed not being directly in my daughters lives, and will stop writing now.

Waking Up Shouldn't Feel So Bad

Knowing I had to be awake this morning, I kept having this horrible sense of oversleeping feeling my thoughts while I was dreaming. It was a very unusual dream for me, one where I owned a chopper style motorcycle. Throughout the entire dream I was on a quest to find turn signals for it, but kept ending up back at the same crossroad no matter which direction I went. Strangers who acted like my friends where always trying to crowd onto the bike for a ride. Sometimes three or four people at a time.

While doing my morning exercises before leaving the bed, I noticed that the crunching sounds in my neck are still getting louder. My back still continues to hurt more than usual. I'm sure this all has something to do with my tossing and turning in bed, it seems to have increased while I try to sleep. Am I forever doomed to never get a decent rest while sleeping.

Almost immediately as I left my bedroom to come write the above, thoughts of Heather and her unborn baby Paige flooded me. I am so worried about Heather, and especially Lisa. I just wish Heather would have waited till later in life before deciding to create a family. I feel as though she has become another statistic of a child raising a child.

My daughter Lisa immediately comes into my thoughts every time I think about Heather. I seriously hope that Lisa doesn't see her sister as a role model, and decide to also become pregnant. I would like Lisa to have the opportunity to experience life before deciding to settle down. I'd like to see her have fun, chase after, and perhaps fulfill some her dreams to the best of her abilities. I'd like to see her do the things that many people I knew growing up regretted not having done, before getting trapped (for lack of a better word) in a family situation.

It All Starts Here

My therapist suggested an idea to me of writing down my thoughts as a way of controlling my depression. Not sure if that is correct, but that is how it came across. I’m not much of a pen to paper kinda person, so this will be my way of writing.

I have no direction in mind, and will be posting my personal thoughts, fears, and frustrations. I have many issues with life, and the world in general. For the most part I’d like to think of myself as optimistic, but find it hard, in a world where people find reward in others sorrow.

I’ll save my introductions for some other time, and just leave you with what I’ve written here.